


As Mundane as Brushing Your Teeth

by LoudenSwainfangirl



Series: As Our Life Together Unfolds [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Soulless Sam Winchester, discussion of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 04:05:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10711839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoudenSwainfangirl/pseuds/LoudenSwainfangirl
Summary: We all know how Dean is impacted by Sam losing his soul but what about the love of his life?One Shot around Soulless Sam.





	As Mundane as Brushing Your Teeth

**Author's Note:**

> I understand why Jensen disliked the soulless Sam story. I was hoping to do a longer story but getting into the head space of Soulless Sam is very difficult. Maybe some time down the road...

 

Before his fall, Sam made his older brother agree to a promise “Take care of Briana, help her heal and make sure she finds love again.”

“Of course, Sammy. You don’t need to tell me that. She’s family and we'll look out for each other, although you know as well as I do that woman'll only do what she sees fit,” he'd answered huskily.

“Dean, you aren’t going to like this but I’m going to say it anyway. Time's too fucking short. I'm begging you to get over your ego or fear or whatever it is that's holding you back from admitting your real feelings for Castiel. I think you and I both know you have feelings for him beyond brotherhood. Please, Dean, think about it.

I don’t care if you all continue to hunt, it’s your lives but I'd rather you all settle down and try out a normal life. You know, a job with a paycheck, nice house with a yard, maybe a dog. Move on without me. Promise me, no deals.”

The memory of their last conversation is dashed away by the sound of Dean’s alarm clock.

@@@@@

Over the last year, they've done their best to fulfill Sam’s wish for them. They're renting a small duplex with a shared backyard. Dean's working as a mechanic at a local garage and Briana tends bar at an Irish Pub. Dean's still in a constant battle with his true feelings for Castiel. The fact that the Angel's hardly ever around doesn't make it any easier.

Although neither of them have made any deals, they still exhaust every avenue and chase down every lead to get Sam home again. That had always been their goal, that was up until two months ago when, out of the blue, Sam returned. Sam wasn’t the same, who would be after spending decades in hell?

@@@@@

Sam rolls onto his back, closing his eyes on a loud sigh. Without looking at her he pats her thigh.“You good?”

With a hushed, “Yeah,” Briana gets up and hastily grabs her shorts that're laying at the foot of the bed where Sam flung them earlier. “I’m going to get a drink, need anything?” she asks him, hoping her voice doesn’t sound as strained as it feels.

“Nah, you took care of what I needed,” he mumbles. Good, maybe he'll sleep, she thinks as she heads out the door. Without a glance at the figure in her bed, she heads down the short hallway, past the bathroom on the right and into the kitchen. She walks to the sink in a haze, looking out the window.

It isn’t until she feels the wet dew of grass beneath her feet that she realize she's left the kitchen through the patio door. She runs at full speed towards the back of the open yard she shares with Dean. Briana has every intention of scaling the five foot fence, it wouldn’t be hard, she's scaled much higher fences running from much less scary creatures than what she's currently trying to escape.

All her intentions disappear as she halts her running, slams into the fence and curls her fingers around the thin metal. She can feel the plastic privacy strips threatening to slice her skin. Briana clings to the fence as if it were a life preserver. She's fighting to control her emotions, eyes squeezed closed as her breathing comes out in shallow pants. Her knees are weak, her stomach's rolling violently and her throat feels like it's in the death grip of a demon. As bad as she wants to keep running and never look back, she can’t. She can’t leave Sam...or whoever that is in her bed.

The sudden feeling of calloused hands on her bare arms makes her pull away violently, her skin feels like it may ignite at the touch. “Don’t touch me! Please, I can’t do this,” she cries as she pushes away from the fence and away from the hands. The hands return only this time they're griping her from in front.

“Briana! Briana, it’s Dean. What happened? What's going on?”

She forces her eyes open. “Shit, Dean? I’m so sorry…I didn’t know it was you…I didn’t hear you.”

He's standing in front of her, strong hands holding her arms, head bent down in order to look into her face. Even in the moonlight, Briana can see the concern etched on his face. “Bri, talk to me. You're freaking me out here. I’m the mess, you're the stable one. Did…did Sam do something? Did he hurt you?" He drops arms when all she's able to do is shake her head. "I’m gonna to kill him!”

Briana grabs his shoulder before he can take off. “No! No, wait! He didn’t do anything to hurt me. Just, please give me a minute.”

She keeps her hand on his shoulder and hangs her head. He’s right, she thinks, get your shit together. Falling apart isn't accomplishing anything. Just when she thinks she can speak, an image of Sam looming over her flashes before her.

Gone are the blue green eyes deep as the sea. In their place are dull, grey eyes with a hard edge. No trace of the dancing flecks of gold they once held. Absent is the wide smile with the perfect parenthesis creases that make him appear innocent and happy. Now all that remains is a smooth, calculating sneer. She manages a weak “Oh shit,” before turning back to the fence and giving in to her need to retch.

Caught off guard Dean says, “Okay, so we're doing this now,” he says as he rushes to Briana’s side. “You’re okay, I gotcha ya.”

While she bends at the waist, he supports her upper body with his left arm, using his right hand he pulls back her hair and holds it at the nape of her neck. “Shh, shh you’re okay. I gotch ya. Just let it out," he tells her quietly.

He gently moves her a few steps to the left then lowers her to the ground, nudging her back against the fence. She pulls her legs in, resting her forearms on her knees, head dropped low. “Stay there, I'll be right back," he tells her.

She concentrates on the sound of the traffic beyond the fence and the soft rustle of Dean’s footsteps in the grass. Several deep breaths later she feels a glass bottle pushed into her limp hand. “This might help some," Dean tells her as he drops to the ground next to her.

Briana lifts her head and stares at the bottle of whiskey. “I need you to teach me how to crush down my feelings," she tells Dean before taking a drink. She swishes her mouth, leans to the right, spits, then raises the bottle to her lips again. This time she takes a deep pull.

“Hey there, save some for me,” Dean laughs softly. "And no. Your way of dealing with shit hitting the fan is much healthier then mine. I was just starting to a get good buzz there before you came streaking out of the house like a bat out of hell.”

Briana realizes he must've been sitting at the patio table. “Well, maybe tonight isn’t the best of examples but ya know what I’m trying to get at.”

She pushes her feet forward so her legs are flat on the ground and hands the bottle back. “Thanks, that does help.”

“Can you please fill me in because I still have half a mind to go in there and pummel that robotic ass into the ground. What happened?” He throws an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.

“We…we ah….had sex for the first time since he's been back,” she says weakly.

“Huh. Well, if sex with Sam results in this,” he gestures first at Briana and then to the mess at her right, “then he's doing something VERY wrong.” After a beat he adds “ _Really?_ Today was the first time?”

Briana nods her head slowly “That’s the problem, Dean, it’s all…all so very wrong.”

“Are you sure he didn’t hurt you, physically I mean?”

“No, he didn’t."

“Ok, tell me.”

Briana covers her face with her hand. Dean tugs it off gently, interlacing his fingers with hers. “You don’t need to be embarrassed with me. Sex has never been a taboo subject between us.”

She turns her head towards him “I’m not embarrassed, more…ashamed I guess?”

“Why on earth would you feel ashamed?”

Briana focuses her stare on Deans fingers as she speaks. “It's been two months and almost three weeks since Sam's moved back in. Although, he really hasn’t moved in, it’s more like he visits. Something isn’t right. In that time, he has yet to even say ‘I love you’ to me. You're right, he's like a robot going through the motions of life.”

“Really? Not one I love you? You two used to drive me batty the way you'd throw those words at each other.”

“Not once. If he even acknowledges me its typically along the lines of ‘yeah me too’.”

“Wow. Yeah, I can’t dispute there's something very wrong. Why do you think I was sitting out here at two in the morning with a half bottle of whiskey? It sure as hell isn’t a celebratory binge.”

“Tonight was the first time Sam showed any interest in me. I was lying in bed with my back to him when he crawled in...naked. He never said a word, just started kissing my neck. My brain was telling me to stop him but my heart seized the moment. I thought, maybe after all these weeks of chiseling away at whatever protective wall he's created I'd gotten through to him. He knows he's safe with me. Boy was I wrong.”

“Go on, I’m a big boy, I can handle it," he encourages her to continue when she seems to stall.

“Sex. That’s all it was. Just a wham bam thank you ma’am. He never once kissed me on the mouth, didn’t even bother taking off my shirt, never said a word and he never glanced my way when he was finished. I've had a few quickies in my day, not many but a few. Hell, Sam and I've had more than a few occasions when we wanted to reach the end goal as quickly as possible. Even the guy whose name I never bothered to ask…”

“Nice,” Dean smirks.

“Yeah, I’m not proud of that one.”

“You should be!”

She shakes her head “Even that guy had the decency to at least offer me room service and the use of his shower. He didn’t just roll off me and pat me on the thigh with a “You good?” I have never felt so…used.”

Dean goes very still beside her. When she lifts her head, he's staring at her, eyes wide. Briana can barely make out what he's saying “Briana….it almost sounds like-"

Now it is Briana’s eyes that widen with understanding. “Absolutely not. There was 100% consent. I think that's the part I'm having such a tough time with. When he first started kissing my neck, my body responded. I wanted him so damn bad. My body aches for him but _that,"_ she flings a hand towards the house, " _wasn’t_  my Sam.”

Her words hitch as she continues,  "I was so desperate to feel _something_ from him. To get just the smallest of hints from him that somewhere in there he remembers what we had. I just feel so empty,” her voice breaks and once again her body betrays her as the sobs come. "And alone," she finishes.

She covers her face, ashamed to be crying in front of Dean. Ashamed she let herself get carried away. Ashamed that, even for the briefest of moments, she considered breaking the silent vow she made to Sam in the middle of Stull cemetery to never give up on him. To never give up on _them_.

Dean wraps his arms around her and pulls her close. “We're going to figure this out, together. If it’s the last thing we do, we're getting my brother back. And I never want you to feel alone, I’m _always_ here.”

@@@@@

Inside Briana’s kitchen, a tall man stands in the shadows. He's wearing nothing but a pair of jeans that are unzipped and hanging low on his slim hip bones. He watches the two of them at the fence. He's vaguely curious what they're talking about. Whatever it is, it looks intense. Better to not disturb them he thinks as he downs the glass of water in his hand.

He thought maybe having sex with Briana would help to jar something inside him. His body remembered how it was supposed to function but the act itself felt more like he was doing something as mundane as brushing his teeth. He _remembers_ feeling something very deeply for Briana, and Dean, for that matter but he just can't _feel_ the memory. There was a time when hunting was not the only thing to occupy his every waking thought.

His train of thought is interrupted by a pinging of his phone. He sets the glass down and pulls it out of his pocket, all thoughts of his family disappearing. The hunt continues.

@@@@@

“Have you tried praying to Cas? I have but he isn’t responding, I think he may answer you.”

Briana shakes her head “No, I've come close many times. I know if I do he'll come and I don’t want to add to his burden. From the little he's shared with us, it seems to be quite the mess upstairs.”

“I guess you have a point,” he says reluctantly. “I just wish he'd check in a little more often. I wonder if he's even aware Sam's back, or rather never left," he adds.

Whatever Dean is about to say next is cut off when he feels Briana shiver. “Come on, let’s get you inside, your skin feels like ice," Dean tells her as he rubs his hands up and down her arms.

She scrubs at her face. “I guess a tank and shorts aren’t the best attire for a night run."

He pulls her to her feet, removes his flannel to cover her shoulders, hugs her again and kisses her forehead. “Such a smart ass. You want to crash at my place?”

Briana hesitates, she's wondering if it'd be weird since Sam's still there. The quiet of the night is broken by the sound of Sam’s car pulling out the driveway. “What the hell?” Dean asks as he pulls out his phone. “Son of a bitch!"

 _"Samuel caught a lead on the pack we're tracking, should be back by morning,"_ Dean reads aloud for Briana’s sake.

“Be grateful he sent you a text, I highly doubt he even thought to leave me a note.”

All Dean can do is tug her towards his patio door because he knows her assumption is probably correct. “Bad movie or should I pull out the whisky I keep in reserve?”

“I vote bad movie, I feel sick enough, I don’t need to deal with a hangover as well.”

“As always, you're the voice of reason, Sis. I think I’m done for the night as well.”

They settle on the couch, cuddled together under a blanket. It isn’t long before Briana’s eyes are closing. Behind her lids, she sees Sam’s handsome face looking down at her, smile wide, eyes shining, mouth saying ‘I love you’.

 _I’ll get you back, Sam_ is the last conscious thought she has.

@@@@@

With a soft flutter of wings, Castiel appears. The house is quiet, the TV is off. He stands above his family, watching them sleep. The Angel knows more that he's shared. It's the reason he stays away.

He hears each of Dean’s deliberate prayers and he listens to Briana’s unintentional prayers. A tear slides down Briana’s cheek and he knows she's thinking of Sam, he can hear her dreams. He wipes away the tear and she leans into his touch, still deep in slumber.

Before leaving again, he tells them both he'll do everything in his power to bring their family back together.

@@@@@

Briana and Dean are awoken by Sam opening the patio door. She has an explanation ready as to why she's on Dean’s couch and not in her own bed but it dies on her lips as Sam moves right into telling Dean about his evening with Samuel and the wolf pack, barely sparing a nod in Briana's direction.

Briana leaves quietly, slipping out the patio door. Dean's the only one to feel her sudden absence. She crosses the patio to her place, takes a scalding hot shower, dresses and sits down at her desk.

She opens her laptop, today is, after all, another day. Briana's never given up on those she loves and isn’t about to start now. She has faith Sam'll come back to her. Her only hope is it happens sooner rather than later.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, leave your thoughts, I would appreciate the feed back! Thanks for sticking with me til the end!


End file.
